Posts

Wanted! Patriotic Potato Pickers

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Lugwaljon Town Council needs YOU!
Due to a combination of Brexit and the COVID-19 pandemic, Lugwaljon's farm workers are in short supply. Complete the above form and send to our Economy and Labour Team, who can set you up with a new role working back-breaking, 12 hours days for pitiful wages. Sign up today, and help to bring our harvest home.
Remember: You're All in This Together

Schools Reopening with Immediate Effect

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Lugwaljon State schools have been ordered to reopen with immediate effect.
All proletarian children will be required to attend school for the full, extended* school day, every day. Any parents found to be allowing their child to miss school for any reason will be fined a minimum amount of £60.

*School days will now run from 7am until 8pm, Monday to Sunday, to allow parents to compensate for lost production hours during the COVID-19 lockdown period
Remember: You're All in This Together

Do YOU Need to Report an Impediment?

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It is a crime for proletarian citizens to contract any labour preventing conditions.
If you, or someone you know, is currently unable to generate profit, you MUST report them. Anybody found not working or consuming will be prosecuted, resulting in fines and possibly even enrolment into voluntary re-education. We all need to do our part to protect the assets and profits of the bourgeoisie.
Remember: You're All in This Together

Struggling to Stay Productive?

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Here at Lugwaljon Town Council, we've paired up with Mountebanks to help keep our workforce going strong. Pop into your local store today and check out their range of energising and invigorating products, guaranteed to turn even the least valuable members of society into a tool for bourgeoisie profit generation. 
Products available resolve a variety of health complaints, including low motivation, lack of productivity, and panic or hysteria. Some products may require a prescription from Lugwaljon Town Council Health and Economy Department. Inconvenience charges will be added to any purchases made by proletarians. Prescriptions MUST be filled within 4 working days, or non-compliance fines will be enforced.
In partnership with Mountebanks Health and Wellbeing Stores
Remember: You're All in This Together
Find out more at: https://mountebankshealth.blogspot.com

Don't Forget to Pay Your Gratitude Tax

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In order for Britain, and in turn, Lugwaljon, to remain a profitable and attractive place for business ventures, we need your help! The current economic crisis means tax revenue is low, and without your assistance we may be forced into charging large, profitable, and otherwise unaffected multinational corporations fair and reasonable business tax rates, as opposed to the attractively low ones we have historically advertised. By paying a small 25% of your household income in Gratitude Tax, you can help us to continue to subsidise these companies, helping them to continue to exploit the proletariat for massive personal profit.
Remember: You're All in This Together

Clap for Neoliberalism!

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Clap for Neoliberalism!
Netflix, Amazon and Disney have amassed record breaking profits this financial quarter, of which a tiny percentage will be paid back into the UK economy via aggressively reduced business tax rates. Join us in celebrating them as they profit from global tragedy, whilst doing the absolute least for you!
Remember: You're All in This Together

Do Your Bit with LugwalPay

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During these uncertain times, the economy needs us more than ever. Make sure your spending is secure with LugwalPay, our online, contact-free payment app, designed to make your consumer experience ceaseless and safe.
Remember: You're All in This Together